I'M DYING.

mama's back to being nasty. like really nasty. like when she first came. last night daddy had to sleep on the tatami mat beside her from 3am all the way to this morning cos she kept making noise and being naughty. before that mom and i had to make her eat her medicine because she refused to. she thought we fed it to her already and we're trying to overdose her. so of course, she stuck to her story and kept saying she felt worse after taking the medicine. but in reality she felt alot better, i'm sure. it's medicine for itch and pain relievers.

she just sleeps so much in the day so logically she can't fall asleep at night. and when i switch the lights off and she awakes from her little light naps she gets bored and wants attention, so she starts crying louder and louder until she gets it. basically she cries and howls every 10 minutes for NOTHING. when i go there and ask her what in the world she wants she says nothing. or, turn the fan. then turn it back a few minutes later. or off it, then scold me for offing it. or she finds something to get angry about. after like, 100 times of getting up from my sofa when she got too loud to attend to her cranky "nothings" i got really frustrated with her. tried telling her in her good ear that she's disturbing everybody and that she shouldn't cry for nothing, but in her eyes i'm completely unreasonable and i should have to respond to her every squeal and be awake 24 hours a day. for her.

i closed the parents' room door but it was loud and daddy could still hear her. so he came out and slept in my room. cos mama doesn't dare fuss around with him. and she shut up and fell asleep, or maybe just shut up even if she was awake, all the way until morning.

i woke up to her crying. again. crying for nothing. ever seen a kid do a drama cry and then peep or glance to see if anyone's looking, if anyone came to the door? that's what she does. if i am soft with her, she tires me out all freaking night long. if i give her tough love, she flares up and thinks i'm bad. either way i cannot sleep. and what, now she's even crying in the day. she really disregards how good her life is now compared to back at the old folks' home and how much our lives are revolving around her and her antics now.

this is draining and bewildering. and i can't be bothered to try and act angelic. i'm completely un-angelic today. no angels here. i am tired and angry, but there is nobody for me to rain my anger upon since there's actually nobody to blame.

i'm gonna shower to cool my hot head down before it explodes. then i'm gonna blow my hair dry and try to take a nap.