these past couple of weeks have been somewhat of a roller coaster ride. the past four months lah, but i can only vividly remember the more recent weeks, so.

i know that people are kinda wondering why we're putting ourselves through all this mama drama instead of stuffing her back in a home, or hiring a maid. so i've been trying to be less expressive about it here. but i'll just say, for accuracy's sake since this blog is about me, that i'm really stretched with caring for mama and i'm stressed about the SAT and my uni plans. i'm conflicted within myself everyday because i feel so tied down.

mama is back home, meaning i have to go back to taking care of her day and night. she's back with more meds to take, more creams to apply, and the same old fiery attitude.

it comes to a point where i seem to be a horrible person, because i'm not explicitly saying that i want her to die, but i'm not hoping for her to live long either. she will never be well or get better. when i am stressed to the max i cannot help but openly admit that the end would be relief for both me and mama. it's sad and it's bad, but isn't it true? i know, truths like that are better left unsaid. what a horrible thing to say.

and there goes my attempt to be less expressive. hahah.

Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

Psalms 56:8

geil, read about your canceled flight! :( hope you feel better soon, cheering for you and the upcoming zams okay?