i haven't had such a tough day in a long time.

mama threw plenty of tantrums today. my conclusion is that she's disoriented and insecure without mommy around. it is so tough, seriously. she was shouting and wailing and crying at me... not the happy little old lady i had imagined. i didn't get 5 minutes to myself, not until mommy came home and appeased her. it's too hot, then too cold, then she wants to sit up, then lie down, then she's fed up cos there's nothing to do, carry her here, carry her there, whole body pain, wipe her face, make her milo, change her diapers, turn her around, bed to wheelchair, wheelchair to bed, rub her hands, rub her legs, rub her chest, watch her as she shouts and shouts about why we brought her home when mommy wouldn't be around. was telling mommy about her unexpected horrid mood over the phone and she told me " just be nice to her... can't help it." and i was like crying. like a little kid. it feels bad cos nomatter what i do, she's so unhappy when she's supposed to be happy. she's so angry at me and it's like she hates being here.

well, hopefully it's an adjustment thing, and with time she'll realize that i'm committed to taking care of her and mommy has to work.

i'm realizing in a very real way how old people sleep very little. mama sleeps for a few hours at night and wakes up to cry. very sleep-deprived, i tried to nap today but i was lying on the floor within her line of sight (not very strategic) so i ended up doing more sit-ups than sleeping cos she called me every minute to do something.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

and i shall end off this post by saying that i love mama. just to remind myself why i am doing all this. yes.