mama's mind is going downhill. she's like a little child, it's more apparent now. today the dialysis center called asking when someone was gonna bring her home, and i was wondering why they'd call to ask that. later daddy told me that when he got there, she was curled up in the fetal position crying to go home! (second time this has happened.) so she basically cries dramatically for every little thing, misunderstands every little thing, whacks me when she's angry, and laughs at me when i come running to her very worriedly. (!) yesterday mama stuck her leg out while she was lying down on the bed and i tripped on it. she burst out in laughter and mommy was like, shocked at how mischievous she has become. but we all ended up laughing about it. now her new trick is to give me a flying kiss when she senses i'm angry at her. ACT CUTE.

night time is when she's really mean cos she just wants my mom and me to stay awake and do stuff for her. last night she fought off her drowsiness the whole night and tried to stay awake to make me do stuff, shouting, scolding, crying, wailing. and the medicine i gave her for pain that causes drowsiness, she says makes her unable to sleep, and that was the topic of her scolding the entire night.

went to bed at 12:30pm after sending her off for dialysis. when i got up i was bewildered and hormonal and cried while i was bathing because i suddenly felt this wave of angry and ugly and no-life feelings (i didn't have time to go out like i planned cos i woke up a bit too late. so i was like "ah i so no life.. sobsob..") let out the self-pity for a while and then i felt a bit relieved. like taking a giant dump after bad constipation. nobody was at home, so, i could cry like crazy person. like i would sob while reheating pizza and making coffee, not like the conventional sit down and cry prettily kind of cry. haha. imagine me pressing the microwave in dramatic tears. beep beep.. beep.

THIS WEEK IS GOING TO BE SO TOUGH.

seriously, sleep is a precious thing.