mommy keeps saying that she really hopes mama's mellowed down after her hospital stay, but honestly i think it's smarter to brace up for her tantrums rather than hope they go away. so if they do go away, then great. and if they don't, then you'd be mentally prepared instead of a puddle of tears. makes sense right? it's kind of like what i've heard over the pulpit before about facing trials. instead of praying for the trials to dissolve, we should pray for strength to go through them and learn something.

i know, spiritual right? *low toned laugh*

anyway mama is about the same as before she went to hospital. childlike, forgetful mind, itching body and painful thigh. i think her meds have been upped a little. other than that the docs say it's all about deterioration. end-stage renal failure, there's nothing much they can do. and it seems thigh pains is expected with renal failure. she seems fine though. she's still cheery in the day before her fangs come out at night. she eats well and laughs everyday. poops well too, i would know. :D her mind is occupied mainly with:
-what day is it and do i have dialysis?
-who is at work and when are they coming back?
-what should i get anna to go down and buy to eat?
-how much money do i have?
-is the blister on my hand healing?
-is the fan on oscillation mode?
-hey, there are birds outside!

yes she's strangely amused by/afraid of the birds that live in the tree outside my room window. and she absolutely cannot live with the fan not being on oscillation mode.

she cried last night but just until about 2am. then she slept all the way till 9am. and i changed her diapers3 times this morning! think she was trying to clear her system so she wouldn't do it at dialysis when she's all "wired up".

okay i gotta go meet daddy at the lift landing and carry the wheelchair down soon. thank God for a tiny, light wheelchair!