mama's been admitted to SGH again. she was re-scheduled to have dialysis on sunday instead of saturday because of chinese new year, but upon reaching she was deemed unable to go through with it because her blood pressure was too low. low BP is a common thing for her, due to various reasons. anyhow, she's there now and my parents, who went to settle her in, say she's weak but quite alright.

i don't know the details but mom mentioned something like suspected heart attack. i'm supposing everything is still unconfirmed.

studying our present state of mind regarding mama, i think we are jaded to some extent. and at the same time we are trying not to be too nonchalant. although she is tarrying on i know she is fading. the end just seems to be coming, but never here.

of course, the best and simplest mindset which is the bottom line, is that God has His timing for her. no need to think or fret. no need to be glad or sad prematurely.

"pray that she'll be comfy." i told gerlynn. "that's all that really matters."

for the first time in my life i have been watching a living person fade away, in my presence day after day. such gradual decline, slow and steady. her movement lessening, speech softening, thoughts fleeting, body shrinking. she's fading away. what a thought.

going by her track record, she might be back home soon, with a new flare to live. you never know.

God forgive me for the times i did not cherish her.