we managed to see mama last night, mommy and i. she was in dialysis when we got there, so we went or dinner first before going to the dialysis ward to see her.

she wasn't pleasant at all. she was cranky and feisty in all her weak state. somehow though, she still managed to muster up the voice to curse and the strength to grab my mother's hand and shake it violently in frustration. nothing appeased her discomfort. nomatter where you stroked or what you did to try and make her feel better, she would respond angrily and tell you to stop.

mommy said her behavior is due to her discomfort. she'd been in one attitude for a long time. and this was not home where she could be turned and adjusted whenever she wanted. on top of that her BP was low, her heart wasn't pumping well, her body was bloating up, her body hurt, and the dialysis was long and dreadful.

" when i'm uncomfortable i'm cranky too." mom said.

i settled with the thought that she was probably fed up with life. perfectly normal, i would think. and although going to the hospital and seeing her felt somewhat routine, my heart felt heavy when i saw her groaning and could do nothing to make her better.