this is the plan. not one of my usual grand plans, no not at all. it's the farewell plan.

my grandma is now more responsive, having been taken off her anti-psychotic and pain medications. she can open her eyes and gaze at you, no doubt out of focus and for a very short time span. she can mumble inaudibly. she can feel and express her sensation of pain. that's how she is now. she is also unfit for dialysis if she comes home because she cannot take the traveling and long hours. the dialysis center will not treat her as well, because she is simply too frail.

because she can't go for dialysis at hougang if she comes home, we are hoping to have her stay at hospital until after chinese new year. reasons being, so that she can live through another CNY, and so that my uncle, who needs to go to ipoh, will not be away when she passes. in hospital she can be wheeled on her bed to dialysis, and they are well equipped for emergencies there. she can only have dialysis in hospital. she needs dialysis to live.

after CNY, we will receive her home. she will not go for dialysis anymore. what i call 'comfort treatment' will be administered to her by us and hospice people, and in about two or three weeks, i estimate, she will pass.

that's the farewell plan.

i have no idea if she will just give up ghost while in hospital or if she will miraculously be fit for hougang dialysis and return home to live out another stint here. or if things will go exactly as planned. i can't tell, i can't guess. i have no idea.

thanks to everyone for being the supports that you are, in your own ways. i am sure that if my gran, in her able body of time pass, knew who you were and how much you care, she would cook up a storm for you and say while hovering above her stove, "let me pay you back with a meal!" her tone would be feisty and peranakan as she was.