last night mama was quiet the whole night through. just like the night before. that's two nights in a row.

on monday night, mama was crazy, screaming and shouting for anyone to go to her and you know, sit her up lie her down do 1000 things for her. but we tried a new approach by not responding to her unless she was in danger, like if she was falling or hurting herself. i told her very clearly, "it's sleeping time. everybody is going to sleep. you also have to sleep." she wouldn't take that. she got so loud i was expecting the police to come due to complaints anytime, but they didn't thankfully. sat up until the wee hours watching her from the sofa, making sure she wasn't falling and her position was okay. she kept it up until around 3am, by which time she had very little voice and she was very tired from kicking and wiggling.

tuesday night we were all bracing ourselves for another round, planning to stick to the method. but she was quiet as a mouse, as i said in my previous post. it was shocking how well she slept. on wednesday her mood was fantastic. it's almost like she became a different person. her mind was still all over the place, but all the world was generally more pleasant to her and she would do things according to your schedule. she wouldn't mind waiting. she was smiley and laughed alot. she was suddenly concerned about whether i had eaten, and most of all, she loved the bun of hair i made on my head. "turn around... pretty!" she kept telling me. and so i kept showing it to her. nonyas will be nonyas. within a day her skin had changed and deteriorated so much it scared me. when i sponged her that day i saw huge patches of pocky itchy things on her back, her thighs. asked mom over dinner if she'd seen them the night before when she sponged her and she said no. it was an overnight thing. the glare in her eyes is different. her smell is different. and she bled alot in her stool that day. it's like watching a human break down before your eyes, day by day.

wednesday night was great too, she kept quiet all night. at around 2am i heard her groaning a little cos her arm hurt. so i went to position her more comfortably. sayanged her and told her it was time to sleep. she told me very cutely, "mama can't sleep. mama will pray. pray to Jesus." and that just filled my heart with joy. i lay on my mat and thanked God for a moment like that when everything seems somewhat worth it. i didn't wanna cry cos i didn't wanna be dramatic about it all, but then i heard her singing what she calls the "church song" which is silent night holy night. i tell you i dowan to cry also cannot lor. was sobbing my eyes out, in a good way.

maybe the method worked. or maybe God decided it's time for a little break. maybe He used the method to give us a break. :) anyhow, these past few days have been a great breather. mama is so lovable this way.

i tried to tell her that the survivor guppy gave birth, but she misread my miming it as i ate a fish and had diarrhea. pretty hilarious.

ag: mama mama! the FISH gave BIRTH!

mama: tsk tsk... cannot. some fish, you cannot eat. you eat already, get diarrhea!

ag: huh? no mama. fish. branak.

mama: yalah. eat fish. berak!

ag: . . .