TUESDAY:

after sending mama for dialysis i fled to geil's place for impromptu lunch and play time. had piping hot spaghetti. geil played a game on her comp while i watched the last two episodes of a korean drama.. we split the screen half half, which i found so cute, cos she was doing her thing and i was doing my thing and we were just happily passing the boring afternoon away together. finally got to spend some time with her and hang out at her place like i used to ever so often a few months ago. thanks for allowing me to invade your territory again, alamons!


gerlynn is leaving for genting wednesday night BAWL! have fun there, even though you hafta study. and buy me a little something that screams aggie if you have the time! oh man i'm so thick skinned i'm asking for things.

Hahahahaahahah.

geil posted that...

timmy's birthday in advance! cozy and nice.

i got up early this morning to go down to town and get my braces tightened. i already postponed it a week for my SAT so i didn't really have much of a choice other than the morning slot. wanted to change it to tuesday so that i could go for teens, but it was a bit too last minute. dragged my drowsy pimply self there and got it done. my jaw is going to snap lor, now so tight.

came home for a befitting porridge lunch and sent mama down to wait for my uncle to bring her to dialysis. came back home, changed up (reluctantly cos of the sweltering heat) and left for the PERANAKAN PLAY! -woots- it was at the national library drama center.

okay, i dunno why i'm so on about it. i find it really cute. all the bibiks getting high and funky and bouncing around. the title was "pagar makan padi" which is an idiom meaning someone or something that seems reliable but turns out not to be. the plot was decent yet simple enough for the many 50+ audience members present to understand. the cast was alright, set up was nice, acting was great, and the humor was PERANAKAN! which made it so unique and exclusive and relatable to me and mommy, who thoroughly enjoyed herself btw. but it's a shame i couldn't get any footage or pics cos the ushers were really on guard, out to catch anyone who attempted to do so.

the audience was almost as funny as the play because of the measure of their engrossed state. the bibiks were so into it lor, something funny would happen and they would roar or.. cluck violently with laughter. or an important scene would take place and the whole theater would start muttering about their theories about what would happen next. so cute!

there was even an autograph and phototaking session after the play. they tried haggling me to become a member and appreciate my roots, me being young and all.

anyway, after it ended, my aunt, cousin, mom and i went for tea around the area. cheese fondue! came home around 6 and felt really drowsy, but went downstairs to have dinner with mama and the bunch before wheeling her home from dialysis. what a nice saturday afternoon and evening. :)

daddy has a medical appointment today in the morning so i'm on duty as soon as mama wakes up. (usually daddy helps me with the morning, like breakfast and medicine and all, cos i'm busy catching up on sleep.) last night mama cried until 3am. was frustrated out of my wits thinking about this morning and having to wake up to her cries and settle her food. but thank God it turns out she's decided to sleep in today, which is quite unlike her. she's still snoozing now, hugging her little bolster. the chinese funeral is booming downstairs (grr.) but it worries her none because of her wonderful deafness. :)

but i expect she'll wake up soon. she'll either get hungry or poop. she's already starting to stir.

yesterday gerlynn knew i was stuck at home with granny, so she offered to come over and hang out for a while since she didn't have school too. i was having a really bad morning so she witnessed my puffy cry-eyes and helped me feel all better by serving me mcdonalds apple pie. apple pie is a happy food.

"it's lunch time! how can you not eat?! arent you hungry?!"

"i ate sadness. =("

"aiyoh!"

we came back and watched a movie and talked and then she accompanied me to the hair salon to-- CHOP OFF MY HAIR. yes, i bid my locks farewell on monday. it's not extremely short, but a considerable bunch of hair is gone. gerlynn was patient and kind and waited for a long time. tanks! i have good friends who longsufferingly accompany me at hair salons. geil was with me when i permed my hair last year, whopping 4 hours. should award her a medal for that.

after i got my haircut i walked her to the mrt station and we said our byes. before that we saw tim crossing the road some distance away, coming home from camp. i jumped up and down and waved both hands high in the air while crossing and he completely ignored me and shook his head. gerlynn renounced our friendship too.

mommy's on MC for a bad skin problem until weds, btw.

today i got up and helped mom with mama's dialysis prep. after sending her off, i left for boiling bishan. well, technically the whole of singapore is boiling these days. we were supposed to watch a movie in 3D but the disk or the player was wonky so we gave up and watched the non-3D version. bummer. talked and nua-ed for a while and left very punctually for home, to carry the wheelchair down from the 6th floor when mama came back.

i have just gotten my dose of henry golding's sculpture-like face and charismatic accent. i'm happy. the episode was about melaka so mama paid special attention and continuously gave a commentary on the footage, since it's her hometown. she was delighted to see the peranakan house and the guy in the kebaya, although she didn't know he was a guy. it just occured to me that peranakans have drag queens too. ew.

i'm gonna bathe now. today was nice.

i sat for the SAT yesterday!

sigh.

hoping for average scores.

it was okay. my essay was short and sweet. i only managed to do a two minute outline and fill up one good page in the 25 mins. no idea how people filled up two pages, unless they're really smart or they wrote nonsense. sentence completion was alright, passage based reading was difficult when the passage was very chim, identifying sentence errors was alright, improving paragraphs was alright. maths was another story, i omitted alot of answers.

:(

i couldn't sleep the night before due to hay wire bio clock. slept around 3. woke up at 6, ate alot, and left for AJC. while walking there i saw many many people obviously there for the same reason as me evinced by the fat SAT books they were holding. alot of them had parents accompanying them, the chinese ones were nagging, the ang mo ones were encouraging. what an insight into culture differences.

i went to the staff room and they told me to look at the board for seating arrangements. squeezed through the many foreigners, found my name, and went up to my designated lecture hall. while waiting outside i met a girl named rha. i examined her friendliness level and she seemed really friendly, so i asked her,

"SAT?"

"yeah. is this your first time?" she replied with a bright smile.

"yep. you?"

"yes."

so i made a friend. everyone else was stuffing their faces in their notes and chanting things to themselves, while we chatted away about ourselves and our future schooling plans and how we were the only ones not stuffing and chanting like everyone else and how bad that made us look. rha is from a small town in india and she studies and stays at UWC. smart. she seemed to be the only down-to-earth person there. everyone else was downright dao, they give you the full body check (look from top to bottom then back to top again, you know?) then half roll their eyes and whisper to their whoever. most of them were bigshots with accents, some had their parents carrying their books for them. nice. but i had my rha and all that didn't matter, hahahahaha. thank God for a friend.

the testing was from 8am - 12:40pm. said bye to rha at the mrt station and made some calls, then headed over to j8 to buy lunch and hang out with the ger sisters at their place and unwind. went to town to buy some stuff, and met up with timmy for dinner at astons. by 7 i was pretty zonked out so i decided to go home.

last night i lay awake for hours again. my body was so tired but i just couldn't fall asleep. was so frustrated with this problem of not being able to sleep. got up to drink warm milk and cried cos i knew i'd be too tired to go to church today. feel so dysfunctional. this morning daddy woke me up and my head felt swollen, like it was going to explode, so i just went back to sleep. i feel better now, but my back and neck are still aching and i want to chop off my hair because my head feels so heavy.

THANKS TO GEIL FOR THE MANGOES AND S. GEMMA FOR THE WINTER MELON CAKE AND ISA FOR THE KOREAN NOODLES! tim just delivered them to me. hah. :)

in the midst of mama's craziness last night i really couldn't help but smile at some things she said. she was crying about her itch and draggy life, how she wanted to die and how much she hated mites. so i got up to apply some creams. i rubbed her hands and patted them three times in beat to nothing really. just rub rub rub, pat pat pat to comfort her if possible.

"what are you patting?" she kept asking. but it was dark and she wouldn't see what i said if i said anything so i didn't. i just nodded and patted her again, half asleep.

"are you singing? mama, mama dunno how to sing. mama only know the God song. you know? that one. how.. da.. dada da..." and she started humming silent night holy night again. i found it pretty funny. that was nice.

and she spontaneously blurted out "thank you ah!" while i was walking out.

on monday, i was squatting down and sponging her on my ridiculously low bed. she's weak so she kept leaning forward. i paused and looked at her face so close to mine and made a funny shocked face. she laughed. and suddenly she started saying..

"mama isn't afraid of death, you know? i'm not! what's there to be scared of? when someone's time comes, he has to go. it's like that. when i die put some flowers at my grave can already."

it's a sad bunch of words, but she said it so randomly and lightheartedly right in my face i didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

these past couple of weeks have been somewhat of a roller coaster ride. the past four months lah, but i can only vividly remember the more recent weeks, so.

i know that people are kinda wondering why we're putting ourselves through all this mama drama instead of stuffing her back in a home, or hiring a maid. so i've been trying to be less expressive about it here. but i'll just say, for accuracy's sake since this blog is about me, that i'm really stretched with caring for mama and i'm stressed about the SAT and my uni plans. i'm conflicted within myself everyday because i feel so tied down.

mama is back home, meaning i have to go back to taking care of her day and night. she's back with more meds to take, more creams to apply, and the same old fiery attitude.

it comes to a point where i seem to be a horrible person, because i'm not explicitly saying that i want her to die, but i'm not hoping for her to live long either. she will never be well or get better. when i am stressed to the max i cannot help but openly admit that the end would be relief for both me and mama. it's sad and it's bad, but isn't it true? i know, truths like that are better left unsaid. what a horrible thing to say.

and there goes my attempt to be less expressive. hahah.

Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

Psalms 56:8

geil, read about your canceled flight! :( hope you feel better soon, cheering for you and the upcoming zams okay?

blocked nose, heavy head, feverish. wonky day.

dad went to see mama today and apparently her skin isn't looking good. :( will see her tomorrow if i'm better.

rain, rain, go away.

i was running a fever last night, so the grand plan to spend today with gerlynn at home didn't really go through. but i still met up with her for lunch today cos the fever went away leaving me with only a sore throat, so i was just sniffy and haggard looking with no make up and baggy clothes. she passed me a korean drama to watch while recovering, aw cute! cozy astons, starbucks, and home. it is so relaxing drinking hot coffee and watching it rain. using the moderately heavy rain as reason, we stayed at starbucks for a long time and talked about the gravity of life as we know it. (lol)

and tim looks fine. he's not flat on his bed. he's walking around like nobody's business carrying on with life... as we know it. hahahaha i just like the ring of that phrase.

germaine's due for discharge on weds, yay! mama, i dunno yet.

saturday: teens club in the morning where i looked very haggard and puffy eyed cos i got scolded by my parents and i felt like hacking down a tree or breaking pencils. made a quick stop home after that to change up and curl my hair and ran out quickly to grab some sushi for lunch and meet up with gerlynn for tea and talk. walked and walked, had nice fun. we were completely petrified and freaked out when we encountered some psychos along orchard road. like protesters, but more like proclaimers. it's too obscene to elaborate on, maybe (hopefully) soon a news article or something will come out explaining what it was all about. went home at 9.

today: church, then rushed to hospital to squeeze into the visiting hours (which are just stressful and troublesome to adhere to.) bought polar pies and milo for my lunch, then bought waffles for my desert and for miss gerlynn chan to make her happy. germaine was pretty down and out, but we couldn't really do anything about it. in summary we explored he hospital, waited for their mom and roy to come, and left for dinner when they came. then my dad called and told me that i really didn't need to go see mama since they're there, and that i should go home and relax. so we called tim out and had dinner at NP. walked around a bit and went home. the dvd shop at NP is laozay.

i fell dramatically while running up the escalator at TTSH and i have holes in my pretty white legs. the puncture marks are inflamed lor. so embarrassing i think i flashed my butt to everyone below me cos i was wearing my blue flower dress. AIYOH HOW TO LIVE ON?!

tim has to have 4 wisdom teeth yanked out tomorrow. that's just scary. i had IBS the whole morning when i had to pluck 2 out for braces. he has to undergo GA for this lah. hope all goes well.

GEIL HOW ARE YOU DOING THERE FAR AWAY? IS IT FUN?

mama's skin condition is most likely scabies! which is a mite thing. which explains why we all have hives and an itch nowadays. so she's moved to an isolation ward. pros are that it's nice and has more space and tables and chairs and a personal toilet. a con is that mama is scared of being alone. plus she cannot press the call bell.

before she was isolated, her neighboring patient told me that she cries in the night something like what she does at home but not marinated in evil speech. poor thing.

having trouble sleeping. i lie on my mat until 2 or 3 am before i get drowsy. readjusting bio clock.

now i look at everything in the house and imagine mites crawling all over them. haiyoh!

my parents sent mama to SGH this morning after a very tiresome night of hearing her screams and cries. i attended to her throughout the night so they didn't want me to go with them. i really had a workout last night, lifting her and repositioning her umpteen times.

she's at hospital to manage her deteriorating condition, namely her skin and panicked state. she's really out of it now. hopefully the medication and stuff will help her be more comfy and that will translate into better behavior. these past few nights have been really really noisy. her recent scream-phrases are "YOU ARE STARVING ME WHY DON'T YOU FEED ME DINNER BAD PEOPLE!", "MY PANTS ARE DROPPING OFF!", "I WANT TO MOVE OUT OF HERE THIS PLACE IS BAD!", "MAMA IS FALLING DOWN!", a variety of curses, and "OH GOD!!!!" in 4 different terminologies.

throughout the night i was calm and collected and keeping it together well, but in the morning my dad and i got into a little something and i completely melted. heart thrown in woodchipper feeling. i was really angry and i cried for a long long time. met gerlynn for ya kun later in the day and she saw me in all my goldfish state. -sigh-

"are you very sad?"
"drained."
=(
=(

after ya kun re-energization we went to SGH to see mama. thanks for going to see her gerlynn. :)

and i'm so sad to say GOODBYE GEIL! have an awesome trip! hope you feel better soon too. PICTURES! :D

MONDAY
missed church again last sunday cos i had to stay up with screaming mama the whole night. mom had to stay home too, to take care of her in the morning while i was flat dead. mom needs to go to church, man.

germaine, my friend who's ill, seems to be doing slightly better but she's still in hospital getting treatment. been going to see her these past two days. hope she's comfy and recovers quickly. jiayou, germaine!

gerlynn's been nice enough to come over too. she even helped me out a little with grandma today, pushed her wheelchair and fed her keropok! how nice.

oh, my guppies got a free tank. someone threw away a perfectly good tank on the third floor, and my parents promptly took it back home being the resourceful people they are. and BING, we have a pretty little fish tank full of baby guppies and one grand momma guppy. -beams-

looking forward to tao hway break with geil tomorrow before she LEAVES FOR ALMOST 2 WEEKS FOR THE FUN PHILIPPINES. so sad i can't go with her, so i hope she has fun on my behalf too. have a safe trip missy! hopefully there got KBS... hah. hoi hoi! (i saw the scene eeeeep too sweet already!)

the week has finally passed. not that i wanted it to pass quickly in particular, but it just seemed a little draggy.

there's a good dose of mama drama every day, what with end stage renal failure combined with old age. she's neither here nor there, not dead but not exactly alive. hospice care is no joke. especially when you love the person who is dying. it's different, being a nurse and being a granddaughter.

it gets worse when we (family) can't keep it together and start turning on each other. snapping about things and finding faults. i was extremely upset today, but thank God things.. became alright.

i've been praying a lot more lately. it seems to be the only thing i can do sometimes.

a friend of mine is sick and i'm really worried about her. =( sending love her way.

mama days.

these were taken some weeks back. see bran sleeping oh her bed? funny bunny.

listening to dondang sayang. she couldn't really hear and she got bored.

yesterday evening. our secret little project.

Till Death Do Us Part

It seems with age and illness,

Your mind is not that fine.

You don't believe the things I say

Or understand my mimes.

The world is silent, yet fast-paced.

Of days you can't keep track.

You ask for all my kindness,

Yet you offer nothing back.

We have to bend to your desires.

You tantrum like a child.

To you it seems ridiculous

To have to wait a while.

Every single thing I do

Is under scrutiny,

Tinted by your fuzzy mind

And what you wish to be.

It's hard to keep on wanting

For you to live on strong

When living means I go through this

All day and all night long.

I know your days are numbered.

You're running out of time.

I know you're sick and suffering,

And in that there's no crime.

To care for you is difficult;

It's challenging in short.

And I admit, at times I feel

Unwillingness of sorts.

But when you came I made a promise

Deep within my heart,

That come what may, I'll bite the bullet;

Till death do us part.

It sounds like something soulmates

Who are marrying should say,

But God made me for you,

And you for me just the same way.

So far I have been getting by,

Continue to I shall.

Somehow find the compassion,

And love you like my own child.

And when you sing your swan song,

When you hum your final tune,

Silent night, Holy night,

I'll be singing it with you.

wrote that quite a few days back. mama's all crazy again so, i find myself reading it again. trying to keep the focus so the day is not such a dread.

tomorrow she has an appointment to remove her cast at KTPH in the morning. so i'll probably drag myself there too.

i wanna apologize to all ABC people about forgetting to clean the building, me and my family. really sorry and really feel bad about it. :(

today was nice.

had teens club where i was obviously fidgitive (so bad i know sorry) towards the end because i was late meeting ger. didn't know it would be longer than usual and i had to keep pushing the meeting time back and i hate making people wait so i got all nervy.

lunched with gerlynn and germaine. then went round looking at art stuff and toys and stationary. i finally bought my fixative spray for my pastel and pencil works. :) pleased.

we stopped abruptly at prologue and slumped down in a cozy corner cos we were tired, like little girls who've walked a long while. i left around 7 i think.

the chan sistars are excellent company. gimme more tours ples. :D

oh no i wasn't supposed to mention the gift. just read the P.S. part. :| sorry!

since mama's been in such a lovely mood, we brought her out to aston's for dinner straight after dialysis. it was really sweet, feeding her, seeing her laugh, listening to her interpretation of the scenes. after dinner we walked around in daiso for a while. bought the caramel corn snack thing and mama's hooked. had to come home after a short while cos her butt hurt from sitting for so long.


mama completely puked while she was eating her meds back home. so we changed her bedsheet and washed her up. she lay down on the bed and looked at us as we watched tv in the living room. then she called me to ask for langsat. and then she called me to ask me to play cards with her.

we bought poker cards for her a while back to play memory game-ish games with her. they're the only kind of cards she can process. she matches the numbers to make ten, it's so good for her brain. i was quite surprised when she requested we play cos she seemed to have completely forgotten about the cards. so i played with her, let her cheat. she gets so happy with herself when she matches the cards and i praise her. it's so good to be having fun with her again. i love hearing her chuckle to herself.

i'm savoring the good times now. trying not to take for granted that she'll always be this pleasant. whatever God sees fit to give.

last night mama was quiet the whole night through. just like the night before. that's two nights in a row.

on monday night, mama was crazy, screaming and shouting for anyone to go to her and you know, sit her up lie her down do 1000 things for her. but we tried a new approach by not responding to her unless she was in danger, like if she was falling or hurting herself. i told her very clearly, "it's sleeping time. everybody is going to sleep. you also have to sleep." she wouldn't take that. she got so loud i was expecting the police to come due to complaints anytime, but they didn't thankfully. sat up until the wee hours watching her from the sofa, making sure she wasn't falling and her position was okay. she kept it up until around 3am, by which time she had very little voice and she was very tired from kicking and wiggling.

tuesday night we were all bracing ourselves for another round, planning to stick to the method. but she was quiet as a mouse, as i said in my previous post. it was shocking how well she slept. on wednesday her mood was fantastic. it's almost like she became a different person. her mind was still all over the place, but all the world was generally more pleasant to her and she would do things according to your schedule. she wouldn't mind waiting. she was smiley and laughed alot. she was suddenly concerned about whether i had eaten, and most of all, she loved the bun of hair i made on my head. "turn around... pretty!" she kept telling me. and so i kept showing it to her. nonyas will be nonyas. within a day her skin had changed and deteriorated so much it scared me. when i sponged her that day i saw huge patches of pocky itchy things on her back, her thighs. asked mom over dinner if she'd seen them the night before when she sponged her and she said no. it was an overnight thing. the glare in her eyes is different. her smell is different. and she bled alot in her stool that day. it's like watching a human break down before your eyes, day by day.

wednesday night was great too, she kept quiet all night. at around 2am i heard her groaning a little cos her arm hurt. so i went to position her more comfortably. sayanged her and told her it was time to sleep. she told me very cutely, "mama can't sleep. mama will pray. pray to Jesus." and that just filled my heart with joy. i lay on my mat and thanked God for a moment like that when everything seems somewhat worth it. i didn't wanna cry cos i didn't wanna be dramatic about it all, but then i heard her singing what she calls the "church song" which is silent night holy night. i tell you i dowan to cry also cannot lor. was sobbing my eyes out, in a good way.

maybe the method worked. or maybe God decided it's time for a little break. maybe He used the method to give us a break. :) anyhow, these past few days have been a great breather. mama is so lovable this way.

i tried to tell her that the survivor guppy gave birth, but she misread my miming it as i ate a fish and had diarrhea. pretty hilarious.

ag: mama mama! the FISH gave BIRTH!

mama: tsk tsk... cannot. some fish, you cannot eat. you eat already, get diarrhea!

ag: huh? no mama. fish. branak.

mama: yalah. eat fish. berak!

ag: . . .

been dining with ger and timmy these past few evenings. feel bad cos mom had to come home from work and trudge on with bathing mama and stuff. anyway i'll stay home and make up for it for the rest of the week. seriously after a long day of the house's four walls and screaming old lady, going out and having a good laugh is :)))))

mama was really sleepy last night. from 12 onwards she slept like a baby. maybe waking up to flinch occasionally but she fell right back asleep very easily. but then, i slept in the day, and i'm wired to stay up at night now, so i was the one trying to sleep. got up at 1 to eat toast and drink milo. fell asleep dunno what time. was super frustrated, a perfectly good quiet night and i couldn't fall asleep. SO WASTED.

OH this is fantastic lah. you know the guppies in my previous post? well there were three and two died, leaving one. her name is yellow cos her tail is a very pretty yellow. i know, how childish naming a fish. anyway, she was the biggest fattest one and how do i know she's a she? SHE GAVE BIRTH! like continuously overnight. last night there were three babies, then five, now like twenty! and i was really sad that the original two died so i find this completely miraculous and COOL! like God knew how happy they made me and so He gave me a bunch for free. baby ones at that. they're really tiny. they look like..... tiny. hope they don't die.

daddy is so practical. i was all wahhh woahhh and the first thing he said to me was "now we need a bigger tank." daddy is daddy.

ag: do guppies lay eggs or give birth?
dad: give birth!
ag: huh. like..... boo~op! come out?
dad: ya.

oooooh ear aching with mama's crying. she's so restless she can't stay seated or lying down for 5 minutes straight. tempted to just leave her in the room to tire herself out but i wanna use my comp so she's shouting at my back.

passed the shift to dad at 3am last night cos couldn't tahan. had to wake up at 8 plus cos she was crying so loud. really difficult taking care of someone with no concept of consideration. you can be right in front of her dying and she would still only think of herself. anyway she wails and shouts night and day especially when she cannot get what she wants. and there is no way of reasoning with her. and she thinks we're evil people and this house is a lousy place to live in. buuuut of course i know her mind is wonky and she's all uncomfortable so it's not her fault.

frankly lah, it seems such a problem solver to stuff her in an old folks home. but then why did we take her out in the first place right? to some extent it's a good thing i didn't know what i was in for in the beginning. if i knew she would be this way i confirm wouldn't have wanted so firmly for her to come live here.

aiyoh.

mama has completely lost it. she talks nonsense and cannot remember things. i heard that she kept asking for sweets like a child today, and she cried so hard she started calling for her mom. tim was tending to her when i got back. came home to a tired family.

i'm gonna stay up tonight with her. she's completely different now, in the way she cries and speaks. she's still demanding and fussy though. seems to be a step closer to "the end" which she has been fighting. doing the thousand turns ritual. finding determination in the fact that what goes up must come down, she'll tire out eventually in the morning. like joining a super long queue. if you give up you would have completely wasted your time.

i was so rushed and tired today that i couldn't be bothered to put on any make up. i was so tired. felt like sleeping in the church toilet in the mini tub.

i'm actually typing in between mama's unending requests to sit up and turn and be lifted up etc now. and i'm really groggy. maybe i should blog another time.

"nua" day.

woke up, ate half a bao, and took the van to church. having major girl cramps yesterday and today so i brought a bunch of meds along. i thought i was gonna faint yesterday, was really painful.

had lunch with geil at ion and went for our braces appointment half an hour early. then we went straight home cos we were so zombied out. i slept while standing in the train, and my knees kept buckling, to my embarrassment. reached home, watched the last part of cinderella man (which i missed last time ch5 showed it) and took a good nap on the comfy bed. :) FINALLY.

thank God that a really difficult week has passed. although there's no guarantee that next week will not be the same if not worse, it's just nice to have the weekends where at least the family is home.

i'm gonna think of icebreaker stuff now.

mama fell from the bed yesterday night at around 3 or 4am. heard a thump and rushed in to find her on the floor face down, hands squashed in front of her chest like she was going to do push ups. shouted for mom and dad and sat her up hugging her from behind so she wouldn't be scared.

this morning her right and only mobile arm couldn't move.. was really painful. i was already expecting something to crop up as a result of the fall so i was not the least surprised. did a full body check while bathing her. thank God her hip and thighs and stuff are fine. for once i'll say.. thank God my bed is so low. it breaks my back but it won't break no major bones if someone falls from it. she was in a really bad mood the whole day. angry at the whole world, being very snappy and disgruntled. she refused to let me sling her arm and she was having a hard time pooing, so i was dying the entire morning. anyway she left for dialysis and she's back now. mom forced her to splint her arm up. we'll see if it gets better by tomorrow. status: observation.

this is how is totally made use of my few hours of freedom...

sort of rushed to HLC to talk about the kindergarten design thing. i need to discuss more. with more mama drama now i really feel stretched. i hardly sleep and my days revolve around diapers, poo, feeding, bathing, her hunger and crying and tantrums and all that jazz. i'm quite maxed out. my preview of parenting.

went to NP to buy papers for tim lim's birthday card. yalor so VIP. :) stoned for a while at the jap foodcourt all alonely. came home and made the card and passed it to him since he works (really) near my place. chit chatted for a while and went back home to wash up and meet gerlynn for dinner.

met her and realized i forgot to help tim bring his mac for him. we were supposed to meet him for dinner too. walked back with her, got the stuff, chit chatted over cold water, and left for NP again. in the end tim was a no show cos stuff cropped up at camp. he's like stuck there until NOW. some serious stuff. :( spent the evening with her eating and chilling and talking about the meaning of life. it is a vast topic.

came home to wailing mama and tired parents. mama hates her splint. she's mad about her being forced to wear it now, crying and asking me to take it off over and over again. she suddenly got distracted by bran so she was like, "ehhh ehhhh ehhhhhhhh ehhhhhh (crying) ehhh ehhhh, eh? van! why you sleep there?? =)))) so shiok ah? ehhhhh ehhhhhh...." mom and i find it strange when she can stop her dramatic crying at will and be perky and completely fine and then go back to crying again.

she's pleading with me to take it off. but i can't. =( no sleep tonight. i decided to force myself to stay awake the whole day and now i'm feeling the 'effect'. boohoo.

mama is still sucking the energy out of me. this week has been pretty bad. yesterday mom and i went on a search for things to occupy mama. came back with some puzzles and three guppies! they seem to entertain her and give her stuff to talk about instead of cry. but today one died. hope the other two won't follow suit.

bran is a jealous spoiled brat who will not like any other living thing that we bring back. he used to hate my three turtles, didi, meimei and B.E. when i had them back in the day. and he hated charlie the rescued turtle. now he hates the fish. he climbs up to see them and starts scratching at the table their tank is on. so mama is now guardian of the guppies. she takes it quite seriously. i told her to call for me if bran gets naughty. she screams for me and wiggles around trying to make bran stop when he does that and it's oh so funny. she even asked me to tie bran to a stool last night cos she was afraid he'd topple the tank at night. so the guppies were a good idea to occupy her. and i'm kinda counting on them not to die.

mama is obsessed with fried noodles and teh tarik and langsat, the fruit. so if you wanna come by and bring anything, bring langsat. she makes us buy it everyday. it's like her immortality fruit.

oh, yesterday i was counting and i have changed about 180 diapers thus far. never thought i'd have been able to do that. THANK GOD. can never get used to the smell, though. i still wear a mask and even spray perfume on it. strong stuff.

if everything goes through, i'll sort of have an interior design kind of project to do for HLC's newly registered kindergarten, but it's still at see-how status.

mama "goes stunt" with the days of the week. she'll say.. today is tuesday, so tomorrow will be monday. lol.

what a long post.

tough night for me and mom and dad. mama was not nice. mom's at the polyclinic now seeing a doc.

yesterday was quite nice, though. oh, but mom stayed home with me instead of going to church cos mama tired me out the night before and the parents knew i was quite stressed, were jokingly afraid i might murder mama out of frustration, lol. it really is quite a feat not sleeping and having to change diapers and hear screaming first thing in the morning. so anyway mom stayed back to help me out and prevent any crimes.

i do occasionally joke that i imagine myself taking a frying pan and conking mama out just for the night sometimes, when she's like crazy demanding at night. that's why no cookery are allowed in my room. psychologists who hear this would write.. "violent thoughts.. refer to counsellor.." haha. tsk tsk. nah, i'd never really do that to her.

so as i was saying, yesterday was nice. in the evening, the parents and i brought mama to SSC for a walkaround and dinner. she was quite pleased, but her butt hurt from sitting up so long by the end of the evening.

bought a chocolate mold and a small cake tray and a whisk from daiso, heehee. i'm gonna buy all the instant mixes and stuff cos all i actually wanna do is decorate and i never seem to follow recipes right, so instant mixes oh yeah! i think someone threw away my tub of fondant. :(

the mama did the poo poo so i need to go change some super diapers now.

stayed at sher's last night. people didn't turn up so it was just me and gerlynn and sher. watched movies until late then talked until early. slept for an hour and got up to shower and cook breakfast.

today's pancakes and eggs were nice leh, much to my relief! heehee.

left to meet up with the geilamon and head to church for TC. TC was good, but towards the end i was like (x_x)" had lunch with jay and eddie at broadway and went back to sher's. more people were there when i got back, but in the end we all sort of gave up on ice skating cos it got pretty late and we had to take public transport and everyone was kinda like ehh. (they) baked the cake and cookies and i helped out with the (teachers' day) cards and then i left with gerlynn to return the (1000) dvds and we took the train home quite zombiedly.

tomorrow's mom's turn to go to church. oh, mama's butt is in bad shape again cos i think she pooped during dialysis and it kept for a while. means i'll have to handle her screaming cries and struggling when i change her tomorrow. naut geud.

gerlynn, it was really nice talking to you more. you're like really easy to talk to.

geil, jiayou. sending love your way. :)

woah. mama just told me her "kinney" is spoilt. (kidney) her vocab is not bad at all...

she used to think that Jesus only understood english. so she would pray "Jejus, ples giv me sleeping..." hahahaha.

nowadays i like to tease her when i'm feeding her milo or a sweet. i'll put it in front of her mouth but subtly drag it away when she tries to eat it. then she'll look at me and i'll say "what? eat.." makes her laugh. she'll stare at whatever i'm feeding her for a second as if aiming at it and then GOMP she'll bite it with her gums. it's quite mean but it's so funny and she likes it so whatever. will film it some day.

TIRED OUT.

this is what happens the day after one of mama's all night cries. can't remember which day this was on.. but it's not uncommon. even bran is exhausted. well, he always is. plus he really likes that water cushion thing that mama decided to give to him.

mama is no better today. screaming when she wants her way. she is obsessed with food, and particularly today, TEH TARIK. she hates it when i lay down rules. for example, you can only eat 3 sweets a day, drink water four times a day (cos of her condition), bathe at 12pm and after dinner, stuff like that. she wants everything here and now.

i need to find mr. bean dvds. to hypnotize.. i mean entertain her. she likes mr. bean. no need to hear anything. now she's watching some korean war show. when something blows up she says "wah!"

lol.

2 days 1 night forever!

i say chong, you say shin! CHONG--

ripped off geil's tumblr. (thanks.)

this was a forfeit for losing a game. wear animal suits in the hot sweaty summer heat.

made awesome baked potato thing for my grandma cos she kept saying we purposely feed her very little cos we're stingy and she's hungry and nonsense like that. gave her a filling late night snack to quiet her. (wanted to phrase it "to shut her up" but that's a little mean.)

sher invited me to a sleepover on friday and ice skating (AH!) on sat. really wanna take her up on her offer. i'm thinking.

mama was very noisy last night and dad had to sleep in my room again at around 5? so i got to sleep on his bed from that time on and i was like dead. it was so comfy.

i'm zonking out. goodbye evezybozay.

YOG IS HAWT.

was sweating waterfalls there. we were lost for an hour, but at least there was still stuff going on when we reached. went to watch kayaking, and kayaking we did watch. i left early to help daddy with the wheelchair.

was introduced to hannah and esther by s.suwei, who was the one who asked me to go. they're nice and easy-going. had a good time with them. the perfect people to get lost with.

my sunburnt skin has just been reburnt by walking in the sun. this morning my t-zone was peeling very obviously. jay high five. hah, but at least it's not my whole face like you. *sticks out tongue*

NO MORE CUTSEY NOW RENAL PRURITUS.

grandma is sucking the life out of me. you know street fighter? my "life battery bar" running low.

her itch is horrible today. crying all day long. fussy, demanding. drenched in her axe oil which i think, makes it worse so i'm hiding it from her.

renal pruritus. i looked it up. i hate renal pruritus. note the correct direction of anger. i listed down a whole list of treatments and most of them are unavailable to us. other than evening primrose oil, which my mom coincidentally bought a few days back and already started giving to her. maybe we can up the dosage. desperate.

mama is fatter and weaker (in terms of mobility. oh but not in spirit i assure you) which means lifting her is like, extreme "kek-ing". you can hear me when i'm lifting her.

on a more positive note, her piles have stopped bleeding and her butt is healing up slow and steady.

i'm thinking about money. my bank account is dry and that makes me sad. i'm exchanging money and fun for a life lesson that i can only learn here and now. in retrospect it will feel fulfilling and fantastic. presently it feels like UHH.

why causeway point no more mos burger, sian.

now she's angry that i won't give her the axe oil. and she wants to buy bua langsat although she just bought 1kg of it while she was downstairs yesterday. putting on my stern face so she won't try to throw tantrums to get her way.

my baby is 80 years old.

mama sings before bedtime now cos she thinks it helps her sleep. she sings silent night holy night, on loop, and the lyrics are...

"Jejus... Jejus... kasi gua... tidoh..."

"Jesus... Jesus... give me... sleep..."

it's too cute, really.

had big lunch at the vines in novena for isa's birthday today after church, the whole gang went. came home late and brought mama down for dinner with the parents. then came up and helped sky do some homework. mommy and i got to talk to him about his school trouble before he left since his mom mentioned it.

i haven't eaten dinner yet cos the steak still hasn't been digested fully and the pie is still somewhere in my esophagus. figuratively speaking.

kudos to jay for the great saturday. i know you put lot of thought into it. although i must say that a t-hunt was my idea a few months back. for the record. hah, hao lian. :D

ISA YOU'RE GETTING PRETTIER BY THE YEAR! really. (lol, now your turn to say back to me.) no but seriously you are.

i go bathe.

let's head east

went for the outing to ECP this morning. we had icebreakers, Bible time, treasure hunt, and cycling. the lesson was a summary on Mark since we're at the last chapter now. us girls won the treasure hunt, and geil was kind enough to rent a double bike with me since i'm a lousy cyclist.

the pics are from the task we had to do during the hunt. take pics with 7 strangers. my skin.. is such a weird color in the pic. anyway right now it's burning red and sunburnt. looks pretty bad...

mama's piles is back, and it's quite severe this time. yesterday it bled so much. and at night her antics have worsened too. last night around 3 or 4am, dad went into my room to sleep on the floor beside mama in hopes of letting me catch some sleep so i wouldn't be dead today. even then, mama's not as quiet as before. liddat how leh? i also dunno.

i got my delivery from gmarket sg! big smiles yes. but i cannot shop for the rest of the month. oh well.

pics are completely unedited and the dog's name is rain.

this is my temporary banner, until i can get someone to help me take a better pic. i liked it at first but now it looks a very fake and boring, haha.

mama is back to total naughtiness. her usual rigmarole at night. :(

ag: at the hospital did you cry at night?

mama: no.

ag: why?!

mama: i became good. :D

ag: walao...

i'm gonna max myself out at the outing this sat even though i won't be able to sleep the night before. force myself to go so at least i get to go out for a while. will probably fall asleep on a park bench or something.

mama: tomorrow friday, you going church?!

ag: ya.

mama: then if i pang sai who clean for me?!

ag: bran. hahahahaha.

stare.

ag: no lah mom will be home lah.

mama: oh.

my mama is back and she's so cute.

yeah mama's in the cute mode now. and she's on replay too, repeating the same story about her stay over and over, saying it every time with such enthusiasm as if it were the first time.

her chest is flatter now, but bruised from all the procedures. the armpit area has a lump on it, but it's happened before so. the main thing is, as i've said before, that she's comfortable.

as for the cause of the swelling, still unsure. (pfft.) doc says it's probably due to trauma to the area. but the facts seem inconsistent cos it started so suddenly in the morning when nobody had lifted her. just suddenly, poom, swollen. the entire night before and the earlier part of the morning was completely fine. plus, i didn't lift her on that side the night before. so it's kinda strange.

anyway we have to lift her differently now, like in a more difficult way so we don't touch her upper thorax. need more salonpas patches...

according to EE, mama's 85? mom says 78?

she looks so lively now lor. funny...

ag: mama apa kabarrrrrr?~ (how is mamaaaaaaaa?~)

mama: kabar baiiiiiiiik!!! ^^ (gooooooood!!! ^^)

she's so happy to be home. :)

mama's coming home tomorrow.

bittersweet, to be honest. :\

today was extremely boring. study comp study comp tv. and the weather was kinda strange.

i want a couple umbrella. but it's not like i need it so, it's on my wishlist for now. hah.

spent the morning/afternoon studying my phonebook, timing myself as it would be during the real thing, and inquiring about scholarships. then i went to hospital just now with E E. all seems well, and she's coming home soon. wednesday i think?

i crave me some ginger ale.

my bolster is still in the wash. how am i gonna sleep without it?! lol.

i'm planning to take a new banner pic. don't laugh at it when it's up, okay?

mom says "mama is pink!". meaning she's doing good in hospital. it's funny she stops all her crying and nonsense when she's there. :) not sure when she's coming back, but i'm thinking soon, since she's looking so well.

my throat's been infected for a long time now. kinda up and down, sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's okay. it's pretty bad today, like now. might go to the docs for antibiotics.

i really need to study this week, now that i have alot of time to myself. i'm seriously predicting that i'll do extremely bad for math, but i'm quite confident i'll score okay if not good for english. fine line between being realistic and being pessimistic.

did some random introspection while i was in the shower.

a weakness of mine is my mediocracy. i'm a classic underachiever. i'm not very competitive (find competition can be quite egoistic?) so that obviously is not a driving factor. and i'm lazy. i have a very bad "pass can already let's go play" attitude. sorry. i acknowledge. i'll change. :|

i'm so bloated now with tummy gas. it's making me nauseous. feels like someone pumped a balloon all the way up my rib cage. took carbon pills but it's not working. someone burp me can? so uncomfortable! obviously ate too much today.

IT'S MEWKSHAKE TIME-

geil and i started talking about my fat nose.

geil and i haven't had a gelare milkshake in a long time. hung out at causeway for a while after lunch today. ree lex. then all the alamons took turns trying out all the massage chairs at the osim shop, it was so funny.

at church jay started looking at pics from the past. comparing me now to me then, you can tell how much weight i've put on. no really! geil, don't worry so much. maybe when you're my age you'll be as fat as me, which isn't very fat anyway.

for the record, i like my weight and my size. hardly have to try any clothes on. (hao lian)

the day was TC, lunch, laze around at greedy's place, causeway, NP for dinner with the momma and the papa, shop till drop but never buy anything, then home.

mama seems to be doing well in hospital? she had a blood transfusion, so she's all fired up and energized, talking alot and eating alot. docs still aren't sure of the cause of fluid collection. they suspected liver failure, but test results came out very normal. mama's mysterious i tell you. will go and see her tomorrow.

apparently i look older than the timmy. that's strangely pleasing.

we left for SGH at around 10pm. mama's warded and more investigations are being done. just reached back home 15 minutes ago. i need to take a dump.

mama seems much more comfy after she got painkillers. practically no pain. they did the standard investigative tests, and they extracted whatever was swelling up inside her right chest and it turned out to be haemoserous fluid. think that's water and plasma or something. the cause of the collection is unknown as of now and before we left her we could see that it had spread to her left side as well. but mama's cheery and perky (maybe a little high, lol) and that's really what's more important.

this is how the night went down: when we reached, the paramedics registered her and we waited for a doc. got a doc, explained her symptoms, and waited for tests to be done. got test results, waited for warding paperwork. followed mama to transit ward, filled in paperwork and answered nurse's questions. accompanied mama for a while longer, then went to seating area to snooze until MRT started functioning. took MRT home at 6am. had breakfast near home and voila.

no fracture is visible on the films, and the symptoms are so random that the docs are kind of scratching their heads. upper arm pains in the morning, and an hour later massive swelling under her right clavicle. it got really huge really quick. pretty mysterious. i just hope the fluid doesn't start squashing her poor little heart on the left. that would be bad.

oh, i got to ride in an ambulance last night. cool stuff. thank God for a good ambulance company.. the price, vehicle, and paramedics were good.

okay i seriously need a bath and nap. thanks so much for the smses of care. we really, really appreciate it all.

this morning mama's been crying because her right arm hurts alot. so i applied some stuff and gave her pain meds. couldn't find any swelling or bruising, and she could move it as per normal so i ruled out a stroke. thought it's either an injury from all the lifting or just her renal failure end stage pains. smsed mom to let her know. when i came into my room about half an hour ago to check on her, her right chest was swollen, like abnormally puffy. sat her up and undressed her to examine it. it's extremely tender to the touch and it got to that size really quickly. called mom and told her. mom said to send her in to A&E, but i told her mama refuses to go, so she said to comfort her first and wait. so i'm comforting her and waiting. it's probably a fracture from being lifted at the armpits so often. her bones are very breakable. :(

i think mom is trying to get half day leave to come home, take a look, and make mama go to hospital.

thinking about her unwillingness to go, i suddenly remember how she bit a nurse in the past. lol. no damage done though, i think it was a gummy bite.

clap clap clap.

happy birthday to shermainey and singapore. aunty susan called me up while i was out with mom in the afternoon to ask me if i could make it for a gathering at the ongs'. :)

i went out with mom because we simply needed to go out. went to Nsquare. mom wanted to get some blouses and see see stuff. had pumpkin soup and bread for tea with her, although we drank coffee (you gotta love tea time) and headed home in the late afternoon to change up and go to the ongs'.

mama was fine with daddy for those few hours, mainly because she was so happy about her morning walk, she'd already pooped as much as she could, and she was waiting for the parade to see "boy" shooting. plus, she slept most of the time we were away cos the morning was so tiring for her. when mom and i came back from Nsquare she was happily propped up in her wheelchair watching the NDP, very cutely with daddy.

daddy kept telling us to have fun while we were out. think there is too much crazy tension in the house. there are MOFs and arguments.. it's tense. but there are pockets of time when we're eating together or talking and we're really happy. those pockets are nice.

the mama is wiggly wiggly behind me now. starting to wake.

i am isolated and bored. extremely sick of my own house. really feeling bad.

slept at 5, woke up at 11. mom and dad brought mama downstairs for thosai and marketing while i was KOed. apparently she was really chatty and happy, chose bitter gourd at the market and stuff. :) wish i could've gone down too.

happy birthday shermainey! have fun.

i'm home today. with mama.

anyway i've fed her and bran their breakfasts. mama refused to take her meds. i forgot to pass a note to my mom to deliver to geil. :|

some problem with gmarket so i can't buy stuff now. pretty frustrating cos i need a backpack to carry my books around.

got very very little sleep last night and still had to wake up to serve the queen this morning. NOW she's sleeping comfortably like a baby. how i wish she would sleep this deeply at night. at niiiiight!

sorry geil, haven't been in touch with you these two days. very maxed out by mama and dreaded cramps. hope to see you sometime next week lah. (heart)

last night was the same. daddy had to sleep on the floor beside mama. :(

but today she was sort of normal, sort of tired from making so much noise. i woke up at noon (had strange dreams) and brought her to the tv area for lunch. been trying to keep her from sleeping since then, but i sort of ran out of things to do already so now she's napping. made pancakes for tea, let her watch tv again. exercised on the bike while watching with her, then brought her back in and went to take a bath. bath time is great. i love baths. technically it's shower since there's no tub (right?) but all singaporeans call it bath/baff so, :).

feeding mama pancakes...

mama: *motions to give some to bran*

ag: no.

mama: *throws a piece at him and looks at me like, oops too late!*

ag: sigh~

changing mama's diapers...

mama: it's alot.

ag: *opens up diaper, makes shocked face!*

mama: *laughs very happily*

sitting mama up...

mama: this baju very hot.

ag: take out the baju.

mama: *checks for people.. FLASHES. then lollol.*

talking about her hair...

ag: it's long. can i cut it?

mama: nooooh. cannot. must use the shaver thing then will buzzz buzzz buzzz like that you dunno how.

ag: buzzz buzzz buzzz ah?

mama: ya!

I'M DYING.

mama's back to being nasty. like really nasty. like when she first came. last night daddy had to sleep on the tatami mat beside her from 3am all the way to this morning cos she kept making noise and being naughty. before that mom and i had to make her eat her medicine because she refused to. she thought we fed it to her already and we're trying to overdose her. so of course, she stuck to her story and kept saying she felt worse after taking the medicine. but in reality she felt alot better, i'm sure. it's medicine for itch and pain relievers.

she just sleeps so much in the day so logically she can't fall asleep at night. and when i switch the lights off and she awakes from her little light naps she gets bored and wants attention, so she starts crying louder and louder until she gets it. basically she cries and howls every 10 minutes for NOTHING. when i go there and ask her what in the world she wants she says nothing. or, turn the fan. then turn it back a few minutes later. or off it, then scold me for offing it. or she finds something to get angry about. after like, 100 times of getting up from my sofa when she got too loud to attend to her cranky "nothings" i got really frustrated with her. tried telling her in her good ear that she's disturbing everybody and that she shouldn't cry for nothing, but in her eyes i'm completely unreasonable and i should have to respond to her every squeal and be awake 24 hours a day. for her.

i closed the parents' room door but it was loud and daddy could still hear her. so he came out and slept in my room. cos mama doesn't dare fuss around with him. and she shut up and fell asleep, or maybe just shut up even if she was awake, all the way until morning.

i woke up to her crying. again. crying for nothing. ever seen a kid do a drama cry and then peep or glance to see if anyone's looking, if anyone came to the door? that's what she does. if i am soft with her, she tires me out all freaking night long. if i give her tough love, she flares up and thinks i'm bad. either way i cannot sleep. and what, now she's even crying in the day. she really disregards how good her life is now compared to back at the old folks' home and how much our lives are revolving around her and her antics now.

this is draining and bewildering. and i can't be bothered to try and act angelic. i'm completely un-angelic today. no angels here. i am tired and angry, but there is nobody for me to rain my anger upon since there's actually nobody to blame.

i'm gonna shower to cool my hot head down before it explodes. then i'm gonna blow my hair dry and try to take a nap.

tuesday was hospital day. mama had an appointment with the vascular doctor to check her dialysis thing. there was some mess-up and we had to wait for a very long time. even quiet mama got mad for having to sit in the cold without lunch for so long.

anyway we got some meds for her itch, but we're trying them out for the first time and they don't seem to be working (look at the time.) she started waking up at 2 to cry and is still up now, counting her money. she doesn't appear the promised 'drowsy' at all. okay that sounded mean. maybe tomorrow night they'll kick in better.

mom took leave for mama so i got to rest more. :)

my room fan is spoilt. :(

the sofa is my bed of choice now. it's actually much comfier than the tatami mat.

i want to buy a whole bunch of things from gmarket and they're all in my shopping cart. that's about as close as i will get to most of them. family already bought me this comp so i really can't keep asking for money. plus i need a phone so whatever money they want to give me should go to that. TSKKKKKKK fedup.

mama's very constipated and that worries me. big bomb coming.

just saw this clip on AFV of a guy throwing a bucket of soap into a jacuzzi full of people, and a few minutes later the entire porch floor was six inches deep in foam. then he took a leaf blower and MEGA HOME FOAM PARTY! too bad nobody i know has a porch with a jacuzzi...

ag: ma, this pontalon is also subscription medicine issit?

mom: prescription.

ag: *thinks* *couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes.*

FRIED DAY.

today i went to church, and mom stayed back. we're gonna try to bring mama to church next week although it will be very difficult.

the weather's been so pleasant today.

i finally got my dejavu extra long mascara on friday while waiting for geil to run an errand. keep forgetting to do little things like that on the weekends. it's really good. there are virtually no clumps nomatter how much you layer it over and over, it looks natural and it comes off very conveniently with water, but doesn't move a bit during the day before you wash it off. so i love it. you know why else i love it? cos i cost $25, but watsons card mems have it at $17, and i redeemed my card points and only had to pay $2.50. RARA! (that doesn't stand for anything it's just sort of a.. baby lion onomatopoeia.)

on a sadder beauty note, my face is pocky pocky. it's been in bad shape for a long time now nomatter how well i take care of it. starting to owe it to my bad sleeping and eating schedule. can't figure out what else might be the cause. but oh well. i'm always at home so it doesn't really matter.

kenny came over after church but i was dead on my parents' bed so i was very not present.

jamie bought us an awesome box of royce chocolates (!!!) and she was both sweet and smart to do so. thanks, jamie!

mama has dialysis on monday cos she has to go for a followup appointment at SGH on tuesday.

the mama is awake!