tough night for me and mom and dad. mama was not nice. mom's at the polyclinic now seeing a doc.

yesterday was quite nice, though. oh, but mom stayed home with me instead of going to church cos mama tired me out the night before and the parents knew i was quite stressed, were jokingly afraid i might murder mama out of frustration, lol. it really is quite a feat not sleeping and having to change diapers and hear screaming first thing in the morning. so anyway mom stayed back to help me out and prevent any crimes.

i do occasionally joke that i imagine myself taking a frying pan and conking mama out just for the night sometimes, when she's like crazy demanding at night. that's why no cookery are allowed in my room. psychologists who hear this would write.. "violent thoughts.. refer to counsellor.." haha. tsk tsk. nah, i'd never really do that to her.

so as i was saying, yesterday was nice. in the evening, the parents and i brought mama to SSC for a walkaround and dinner. she was quite pleased, but her butt hurt from sitting up so long by the end of the evening.

bought a chocolate mold and a small cake tray and a whisk from daiso, heehee. i'm gonna buy all the instant mixes and stuff cos all i actually wanna do is decorate and i never seem to follow recipes right, so instant mixes oh yeah! i think someone threw away my tub of fondant. :(

the mama did the poo poo so i need to go change some super diapers now.

stayed at sher's last night. people didn't turn up so it was just me and gerlynn and sher. watched movies until late then talked until early. slept for an hour and got up to shower and cook breakfast.

today's pancakes and eggs were nice leh, much to my relief! heehee.

left to meet up with the geilamon and head to church for TC. TC was good, but towards the end i was like (x_x)" had lunch with jay and eddie at broadway and went back to sher's. more people were there when i got back, but in the end we all sort of gave up on ice skating cos it got pretty late and we had to take public transport and everyone was kinda like ehh. (they) baked the cake and cookies and i helped out with the (teachers' day) cards and then i left with gerlynn to return the (1000) dvds and we took the train home quite zombiedly.

tomorrow's mom's turn to go to church. oh, mama's butt is in bad shape again cos i think she pooped during dialysis and it kept for a while. means i'll have to handle her screaming cries and struggling when i change her tomorrow. naut geud.

gerlynn, it was really nice talking to you more. you're like really easy to talk to.

geil, jiayou. sending love your way. :)

woah. mama just told me her "kinney" is spoilt. (kidney) her vocab is not bad at all...

she used to think that Jesus only understood english. so she would pray "Jejus, ples giv me sleeping..." hahahaha.

nowadays i like to tease her when i'm feeding her milo or a sweet. i'll put it in front of her mouth but subtly drag it away when she tries to eat it. then she'll look at me and i'll say "what? eat.." makes her laugh. she'll stare at whatever i'm feeding her for a second as if aiming at it and then GOMP she'll bite it with her gums. it's quite mean but it's so funny and she likes it so whatever. will film it some day.

TIRED OUT.

this is what happens the day after one of mama's all night cries. can't remember which day this was on.. but it's not uncommon. even bran is exhausted. well, he always is. plus he really likes that water cushion thing that mama decided to give to him.

mama is no better today. screaming when she wants her way. she is obsessed with food, and particularly today, TEH TARIK. she hates it when i lay down rules. for example, you can only eat 3 sweets a day, drink water four times a day (cos of her condition), bathe at 12pm and after dinner, stuff like that. she wants everything here and now.

i need to find mr. bean dvds. to hypnotize.. i mean entertain her. she likes mr. bean. no need to hear anything. now she's watching some korean war show. when something blows up she says "wah!"

lol.

2 days 1 night forever!

i say chong, you say shin! CHONG--

ripped off geil's tumblr. (thanks.)

this was a forfeit for losing a game. wear animal suits in the hot sweaty summer heat.

made awesome baked potato thing for my grandma cos she kept saying we purposely feed her very little cos we're stingy and she's hungry and nonsense like that. gave her a filling late night snack to quiet her. (wanted to phrase it "to shut her up" but that's a little mean.)

sher invited me to a sleepover on friday and ice skating (AH!) on sat. really wanna take her up on her offer. i'm thinking.

mama was very noisy last night and dad had to sleep in my room again at around 5? so i got to sleep on his bed from that time on and i was like dead. it was so comfy.

i'm zonking out. goodbye evezybozay.

YOG IS HAWT.

was sweating waterfalls there. we were lost for an hour, but at least there was still stuff going on when we reached. went to watch kayaking, and kayaking we did watch. i left early to help daddy with the wheelchair.

was introduced to hannah and esther by s.suwei, who was the one who asked me to go. they're nice and easy-going. had a good time with them. the perfect people to get lost with.

my sunburnt skin has just been reburnt by walking in the sun. this morning my t-zone was peeling very obviously. jay high five. hah, but at least it's not my whole face like you. *sticks out tongue*

NO MORE CUTSEY NOW RENAL PRURITUS.

grandma is sucking the life out of me. you know street fighter? my "life battery bar" running low.

her itch is horrible today. crying all day long. fussy, demanding. drenched in her axe oil which i think, makes it worse so i'm hiding it from her.

renal pruritus. i looked it up. i hate renal pruritus. note the correct direction of anger. i listed down a whole list of treatments and most of them are unavailable to us. other than evening primrose oil, which my mom coincidentally bought a few days back and already started giving to her. maybe we can up the dosage. desperate.

mama is fatter and weaker (in terms of mobility. oh but not in spirit i assure you) which means lifting her is like, extreme "kek-ing". you can hear me when i'm lifting her.

on a more positive note, her piles have stopped bleeding and her butt is healing up slow and steady.

i'm thinking about money. my bank account is dry and that makes me sad. i'm exchanging money and fun for a life lesson that i can only learn here and now. in retrospect it will feel fulfilling and fantastic. presently it feels like UHH.

why causeway point no more mos burger, sian.

now she's angry that i won't give her the axe oil. and she wants to buy bua langsat although she just bought 1kg of it while she was downstairs yesterday. putting on my stern face so she won't try to throw tantrums to get her way.

my baby is 80 years old.

mama sings before bedtime now cos she thinks it helps her sleep. she sings silent night holy night, on loop, and the lyrics are...

"Jejus... Jejus... kasi gua... tidoh..."

"Jesus... Jesus... give me... sleep..."

it's too cute, really.

had big lunch at the vines in novena for isa's birthday today after church, the whole gang went. came home late and brought mama down for dinner with the parents. then came up and helped sky do some homework. mommy and i got to talk to him about his school trouble before he left since his mom mentioned it.

i haven't eaten dinner yet cos the steak still hasn't been digested fully and the pie is still somewhere in my esophagus. figuratively speaking.

kudos to jay for the great saturday. i know you put lot of thought into it. although i must say that a t-hunt was my idea a few months back. for the record. hah, hao lian. :D

ISA YOU'RE GETTING PRETTIER BY THE YEAR! really. (lol, now your turn to say back to me.) no but seriously you are.

i go bathe.

let's head east

went for the outing to ECP this morning. we had icebreakers, Bible time, treasure hunt, and cycling. the lesson was a summary on Mark since we're at the last chapter now. us girls won the treasure hunt, and geil was kind enough to rent a double bike with me since i'm a lousy cyclist.

the pics are from the task we had to do during the hunt. take pics with 7 strangers. my skin.. is such a weird color in the pic. anyway right now it's burning red and sunburnt. looks pretty bad...

mama's piles is back, and it's quite severe this time. yesterday it bled so much. and at night her antics have worsened too. last night around 3 or 4am, dad went into my room to sleep on the floor beside mama in hopes of letting me catch some sleep so i wouldn't be dead today. even then, mama's not as quiet as before. liddat how leh? i also dunno.

i got my delivery from gmarket sg! big smiles yes. but i cannot shop for the rest of the month. oh well.

pics are completely unedited and the dog's name is rain.

this is my temporary banner, until i can get someone to help me take a better pic. i liked it at first but now it looks a very fake and boring, haha.

mama is back to total naughtiness. her usual rigmarole at night. :(

ag: at the hospital did you cry at night?

mama: no.

ag: why?!

mama: i became good. :D

ag: walao...

i'm gonna max myself out at the outing this sat even though i won't be able to sleep the night before. force myself to go so at least i get to go out for a while. will probably fall asleep on a park bench or something.

mama: tomorrow friday, you going church?!

ag: ya.

mama: then if i pang sai who clean for me?!

ag: bran. hahahahaha.

stare.

ag: no lah mom will be home lah.

mama: oh.

my mama is back and she's so cute.

yeah mama's in the cute mode now. and she's on replay too, repeating the same story about her stay over and over, saying it every time with such enthusiasm as if it were the first time.

her chest is flatter now, but bruised from all the procedures. the armpit area has a lump on it, but it's happened before so. the main thing is, as i've said before, that she's comfortable.

as for the cause of the swelling, still unsure. (pfft.) doc says it's probably due to trauma to the area. but the facts seem inconsistent cos it started so suddenly in the morning when nobody had lifted her. just suddenly, poom, swollen. the entire night before and the earlier part of the morning was completely fine. plus, i didn't lift her on that side the night before. so it's kinda strange.

anyway we have to lift her differently now, like in a more difficult way so we don't touch her upper thorax. need more salonpas patches...

according to EE, mama's 85? mom says 78?

she looks so lively now lor. funny...

ag: mama apa kabarrrrrr?~ (how is mamaaaaaaaa?~)

mama: kabar baiiiiiiiik!!! ^^ (gooooooood!!! ^^)

she's so happy to be home. :)

mama's coming home tomorrow.

bittersweet, to be honest. :\

today was extremely boring. study comp study comp tv. and the weather was kinda strange.

i want a couple umbrella. but it's not like i need it so, it's on my wishlist for now. hah.

spent the morning/afternoon studying my phonebook, timing myself as it would be during the real thing, and inquiring about scholarships. then i went to hospital just now with E E. all seems well, and she's coming home soon. wednesday i think?

i crave me some ginger ale.

my bolster is still in the wash. how am i gonna sleep without it?! lol.

i'm planning to take a new banner pic. don't laugh at it when it's up, okay?

mom says "mama is pink!". meaning she's doing good in hospital. it's funny she stops all her crying and nonsense when she's there. :) not sure when she's coming back, but i'm thinking soon, since she's looking so well.

my throat's been infected for a long time now. kinda up and down, sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's okay. it's pretty bad today, like now. might go to the docs for antibiotics.

i really need to study this week, now that i have alot of time to myself. i'm seriously predicting that i'll do extremely bad for math, but i'm quite confident i'll score okay if not good for english. fine line between being realistic and being pessimistic.

did some random introspection while i was in the shower.

a weakness of mine is my mediocracy. i'm a classic underachiever. i'm not very competitive (find competition can be quite egoistic?) so that obviously is not a driving factor. and i'm lazy. i have a very bad "pass can already let's go play" attitude. sorry. i acknowledge. i'll change. :|

i'm so bloated now with tummy gas. it's making me nauseous. feels like someone pumped a balloon all the way up my rib cage. took carbon pills but it's not working. someone burp me can? so uncomfortable! obviously ate too much today.

IT'S MEWKSHAKE TIME-

geil and i started talking about my fat nose.

geil and i haven't had a gelare milkshake in a long time. hung out at causeway for a while after lunch today. ree lex. then all the alamons took turns trying out all the massage chairs at the osim shop, it was so funny.

at church jay started looking at pics from the past. comparing me now to me then, you can tell how much weight i've put on. no really! geil, don't worry so much. maybe when you're my age you'll be as fat as me, which isn't very fat anyway.

for the record, i like my weight and my size. hardly have to try any clothes on. (hao lian)

the day was TC, lunch, laze around at greedy's place, causeway, NP for dinner with the momma and the papa, shop till drop but never buy anything, then home.

mama seems to be doing well in hospital? she had a blood transfusion, so she's all fired up and energized, talking alot and eating alot. docs still aren't sure of the cause of fluid collection. they suspected liver failure, but test results came out very normal. mama's mysterious i tell you. will go and see her tomorrow.

apparently i look older than the timmy. that's strangely pleasing.

we left for SGH at around 10pm. mama's warded and more investigations are being done. just reached back home 15 minutes ago. i need to take a dump.

mama seems much more comfy after she got painkillers. practically no pain. they did the standard investigative tests, and they extracted whatever was swelling up inside her right chest and it turned out to be haemoserous fluid. think that's water and plasma or something. the cause of the collection is unknown as of now and before we left her we could see that it had spread to her left side as well. but mama's cheery and perky (maybe a little high, lol) and that's really what's more important.

this is how the night went down: when we reached, the paramedics registered her and we waited for a doc. got a doc, explained her symptoms, and waited for tests to be done. got test results, waited for warding paperwork. followed mama to transit ward, filled in paperwork and answered nurse's questions. accompanied mama for a while longer, then went to seating area to snooze until MRT started functioning. took MRT home at 6am. had breakfast near home and voila.

no fracture is visible on the films, and the symptoms are so random that the docs are kind of scratching their heads. upper arm pains in the morning, and an hour later massive swelling under her right clavicle. it got really huge really quick. pretty mysterious. i just hope the fluid doesn't start squashing her poor little heart on the left. that would be bad.

oh, i got to ride in an ambulance last night. cool stuff. thank God for a good ambulance company.. the price, vehicle, and paramedics were good.

okay i seriously need a bath and nap. thanks so much for the smses of care. we really, really appreciate it all.

this morning mama's been crying because her right arm hurts alot. so i applied some stuff and gave her pain meds. couldn't find any swelling or bruising, and she could move it as per normal so i ruled out a stroke. thought it's either an injury from all the lifting or just her renal failure end stage pains. smsed mom to let her know. when i came into my room about half an hour ago to check on her, her right chest was swollen, like abnormally puffy. sat her up and undressed her to examine it. it's extremely tender to the touch and it got to that size really quickly. called mom and told her. mom said to send her in to A&E, but i told her mama refuses to go, so she said to comfort her first and wait. so i'm comforting her and waiting. it's probably a fracture from being lifted at the armpits so often. her bones are very breakable. :(

i think mom is trying to get half day leave to come home, take a look, and make mama go to hospital.

thinking about her unwillingness to go, i suddenly remember how she bit a nurse in the past. lol. no damage done though, i think it was a gummy bite.

clap clap clap.

happy birthday to shermainey and singapore. aunty susan called me up while i was out with mom in the afternoon to ask me if i could make it for a gathering at the ongs'. :)

i went out with mom because we simply needed to go out. went to Nsquare. mom wanted to get some blouses and see see stuff. had pumpkin soup and bread for tea with her, although we drank coffee (you gotta love tea time) and headed home in the late afternoon to change up and go to the ongs'.

mama was fine with daddy for those few hours, mainly because she was so happy about her morning walk, she'd already pooped as much as she could, and she was waiting for the parade to see "boy" shooting. plus, she slept most of the time we were away cos the morning was so tiring for her. when mom and i came back from Nsquare she was happily propped up in her wheelchair watching the NDP, very cutely with daddy.

daddy kept telling us to have fun while we were out. think there is too much crazy tension in the house. there are MOFs and arguments.. it's tense. but there are pockets of time when we're eating together or talking and we're really happy. those pockets are nice.

the mama is wiggly wiggly behind me now. starting to wake.

i am isolated and bored. extremely sick of my own house. really feeling bad.

slept at 5, woke up at 11. mom and dad brought mama downstairs for thosai and marketing while i was KOed. apparently she was really chatty and happy, chose bitter gourd at the market and stuff. :) wish i could've gone down too.

happy birthday shermainey! have fun.

i'm home today. with mama.

anyway i've fed her and bran their breakfasts. mama refused to take her meds. i forgot to pass a note to my mom to deliver to geil. :|

some problem with gmarket so i can't buy stuff now. pretty frustrating cos i need a backpack to carry my books around.

got very very little sleep last night and still had to wake up to serve the queen this morning. NOW she's sleeping comfortably like a baby. how i wish she would sleep this deeply at night. at niiiiight!

sorry geil, haven't been in touch with you these two days. very maxed out by mama and dreaded cramps. hope to see you sometime next week lah. (heart)

last night was the same. daddy had to sleep on the floor beside mama. :(

but today she was sort of normal, sort of tired from making so much noise. i woke up at noon (had strange dreams) and brought her to the tv area for lunch. been trying to keep her from sleeping since then, but i sort of ran out of things to do already so now she's napping. made pancakes for tea, let her watch tv again. exercised on the bike while watching with her, then brought her back in and went to take a bath. bath time is great. i love baths. technically it's shower since there's no tub (right?) but all singaporeans call it bath/baff so, :).

feeding mama pancakes...

mama: *motions to give some to bran*

ag: no.

mama: *throws a piece at him and looks at me like, oops too late!*

ag: sigh~

changing mama's diapers...

mama: it's alot.

ag: *opens up diaper, makes shocked face!*

mama: *laughs very happily*

sitting mama up...

mama: this baju very hot.

ag: take out the baju.

mama: *checks for people.. FLASHES. then lollol.*

talking about her hair...

ag: it's long. can i cut it?

mama: nooooh. cannot. must use the shaver thing then will buzzz buzzz buzzz like that you dunno how.

ag: buzzz buzzz buzzz ah?

mama: ya!

I'M DYING.

mama's back to being nasty. like really nasty. like when she first came. last night daddy had to sleep on the tatami mat beside her from 3am all the way to this morning cos she kept making noise and being naughty. before that mom and i had to make her eat her medicine because she refused to. she thought we fed it to her already and we're trying to overdose her. so of course, she stuck to her story and kept saying she felt worse after taking the medicine. but in reality she felt alot better, i'm sure. it's medicine for itch and pain relievers.

she just sleeps so much in the day so logically she can't fall asleep at night. and when i switch the lights off and she awakes from her little light naps she gets bored and wants attention, so she starts crying louder and louder until she gets it. basically she cries and howls every 10 minutes for NOTHING. when i go there and ask her what in the world she wants she says nothing. or, turn the fan. then turn it back a few minutes later. or off it, then scold me for offing it. or she finds something to get angry about. after like, 100 times of getting up from my sofa when she got too loud to attend to her cranky "nothings" i got really frustrated with her. tried telling her in her good ear that she's disturbing everybody and that she shouldn't cry for nothing, but in her eyes i'm completely unreasonable and i should have to respond to her every squeal and be awake 24 hours a day. for her.

i closed the parents' room door but it was loud and daddy could still hear her. so he came out and slept in my room. cos mama doesn't dare fuss around with him. and she shut up and fell asleep, or maybe just shut up even if she was awake, all the way until morning.

i woke up to her crying. again. crying for nothing. ever seen a kid do a drama cry and then peep or glance to see if anyone's looking, if anyone came to the door? that's what she does. if i am soft with her, she tires me out all freaking night long. if i give her tough love, she flares up and thinks i'm bad. either way i cannot sleep. and what, now she's even crying in the day. she really disregards how good her life is now compared to back at the old folks' home and how much our lives are revolving around her and her antics now.

this is draining and bewildering. and i can't be bothered to try and act angelic. i'm completely un-angelic today. no angels here. i am tired and angry, but there is nobody for me to rain my anger upon since there's actually nobody to blame.

i'm gonna shower to cool my hot head down before it explodes. then i'm gonna blow my hair dry and try to take a nap.

tuesday was hospital day. mama had an appointment with the vascular doctor to check her dialysis thing. there was some mess-up and we had to wait for a very long time. even quiet mama got mad for having to sit in the cold without lunch for so long.

anyway we got some meds for her itch, but we're trying them out for the first time and they don't seem to be working (look at the time.) she started waking up at 2 to cry and is still up now, counting her money. she doesn't appear the promised 'drowsy' at all. okay that sounded mean. maybe tomorrow night they'll kick in better.

mom took leave for mama so i got to rest more. :)

my room fan is spoilt. :(

the sofa is my bed of choice now. it's actually much comfier than the tatami mat.

i want to buy a whole bunch of things from gmarket and they're all in my shopping cart. that's about as close as i will get to most of them. family already bought me this comp so i really can't keep asking for money. plus i need a phone so whatever money they want to give me should go to that. TSKKKKKKK fedup.

mama's very constipated and that worries me. big bomb coming.

just saw this clip on AFV of a guy throwing a bucket of soap into a jacuzzi full of people, and a few minutes later the entire porch floor was six inches deep in foam. then he took a leaf blower and MEGA HOME FOAM PARTY! too bad nobody i know has a porch with a jacuzzi...

ag: ma, this pontalon is also subscription medicine issit?

mom: prescription.

ag: *thinks* *couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes.*

FRIED DAY.

today i went to church, and mom stayed back. we're gonna try to bring mama to church next week although it will be very difficult.

the weather's been so pleasant today.

i finally got my dejavu extra long mascara on friday while waiting for geil to run an errand. keep forgetting to do little things like that on the weekends. it's really good. there are virtually no clumps nomatter how much you layer it over and over, it looks natural and it comes off very conveniently with water, but doesn't move a bit during the day before you wash it off. so i love it. you know why else i love it? cos i cost $25, but watsons card mems have it at $17, and i redeemed my card points and only had to pay $2.50. RARA! (that doesn't stand for anything it's just sort of a.. baby lion onomatopoeia.)

on a sadder beauty note, my face is pocky pocky. it's been in bad shape for a long time now nomatter how well i take care of it. starting to owe it to my bad sleeping and eating schedule. can't figure out what else might be the cause. but oh well. i'm always at home so it doesn't really matter.

kenny came over after church but i was dead on my parents' bed so i was very not present.

jamie bought us an awesome box of royce chocolates (!!!) and she was both sweet and smart to do so. thanks, jamie!

mama has dialysis on monday cos she has to go for a followup appointment at SGH on tuesday.

the mama is awake!