i'm struggling to stay awake until 4. my shift ends then.

mama was crying all evening up till 2, when i got my mom up to administer another dose of morphine. she fell asleep immediately after the drugs went down her feeding tube. i think she was tired out from crying and squirming.

i don't think she'll stay asleep for long though. you can see that she's restless.

she's running a fever due to infection. makes her face red. it's puffy too, because of all the water collecting inside her. so she is red and puffy, if you want a mental picture. red and puffy.

so many noteworthy things were said today but i cannot recall any to quote now.

thanks to all the people who visited her today and assured us of your support. we are grateful for your care.

i am packing on a noticeable amount of weight because i am constantly binging. i crave food even when i'm full. it's very strange, the intensity of it.

thank God that my gran is slightly less distressed than yesterday. thank God for morphine. thank God for good friends and relatives. thank God for the free ikea bed we found that's higher and more sturdy than the old one so our backs have it a little easier, for the room that's well stocked with diapers and an assortment of creams, for a wonderful hospice nurse who came by today, for subsidies, and of course for the strength and necessary during this time. in spite of the very morose air in this house, i can see God's caring provision everywhere. and i want to say now, as a reminder for myself too, that God is good to us.